Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
