I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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