I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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