fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize