I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
