Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
