Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
