we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
