its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
