Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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