What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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