Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
