You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
