I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
