How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
