no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
