I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
