I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
