i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel great
I just peed on a car
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
