ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
