my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Found your dick twin last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
