Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
