i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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