My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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