alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
