dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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