Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
