i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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