i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
