I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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