Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
