im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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