Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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