so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
