Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
