people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
