Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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