I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
