I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
