Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
