I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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