really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
