The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize