the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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