I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
