Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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