So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Randomize
