yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
