Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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