Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
