Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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