Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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