things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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