I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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