She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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