Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
