absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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