can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day