There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?