Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
