woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT