and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
