if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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