cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
